After my husband Andy died, everything about my life exploded into chaos. Grieving while trying to “figure things out” felt completely impossible.
It still does, sometimes.
What I’ve learned, the hard way, is that when you’re overwhelmed, you have to start small — even if you have no idea where it’ll take you.
Learning Again After Loss
I spent most of my life avoiding formal learning.
After art school and a stressful degree in textile design, I swore I’d never put myself through that again. No more assessments. No more exams. No more panic attacks.
And for 30 years, I mostly stuck to that — learning only what life forced me to learn, like how to survive motherhood, office tech, and changing times.
But grief? Grief made me desperate to understand things nobody could teach me:
• Where did Andy go?
• Why did he die?
• How could life just stop so suddenly?
I remember sitting in my car, screaming into the empty air:
“WHERE ARE YOU, ANDY?”
No answers came.
No book or podcast or expert could explain it all away.
The First Step I Didn’t Plan
The first real change I made after Andy’s death was quitting my career.
Not just my job — my identity.
I didn’t have a grand plan. I just knew my brain, my body, and my heart were screaming “NO.”
I started freelancing. Then teaching tiny yoga classes. Eventually, I signed up for a full yoga teacher training — despite my fear of formal learning.
It was messy, foggy, chaotic.
And somehow, it led me forward.
Starting Small When Life Feels Impossible
If you had shown me a checklist of everything I’d have to learn, face, and survive after Andy died, I would have curled up in a ball and refused to move.
But you don’t need a master plan.
You just need the tiniest first step.
Here are some tiny steps that might help:
• If therapy feels impossible: Ask around for one name to research.
• If leaving the house feels impossible: Open a window. Step outside for two minutes.
• If eating feels impossible: Make one simple meal. One.
• If selling your house feels impossible: Find one small task you could start (like gathering paperwork).
Tiny steps matter
You don’t have to fix everything today.
You just have to start small.
P.S. If you’d like more gentle support like this, you’re always welcome inside my Remember Membership.