After my husband Andy died, everything about my life exploded into chaos. Grieving while trying to “figure things out” felt completely impossible.
It still does, sometimes.
What I’ve learned, the hard way, is that when you’re overwhelmed, you have to start small — even if you have no idea where it’ll take you.
Learning Again After Loss
I spent most of my life avoiding formal learning.
After art school and a stressful degree in textile design, I swore I’d never put myself through that again. No more assessments. No more exams. No more panic attacks.
And for 30 years, I mostly stuck to that — learning only what life forced me to learn, like how to survive motherhood, office tech, and changing times.
But grief? Grief made me desperate to understand things nobody could teach me:
• Where did Andy go?
• Why did he die?
• How could life just stop so suddenly?
I remember sitting in my car, screaming into the empty air:
“WHERE ARE YOU, ANDY?”
No answers came.
No book or podcast or expert could explain it all away.
The First Step I Didn’t Plan
The first real change I made after Andy’s death was quitting my career.
Not just my job — my identity.
I didn’t have a grand plan. I just knew my brain, my body, and my heart were screaming “NO.”
I started freelancing. Then teaching tiny yoga classes. Eventually, I signed up for a full yoga teacher training — despite my fear of formal learning.
It was messy, foggy, chaotic.
And somehow, it led me forward.
Starting Small When Life Feels Impossible
If you had shown me a checklist of everything I’d have to learn, face, and survive after Andy died, I would have curled up in a ball and refused to move.
But you don’t need a master plan.
You just need the tiniest first step.
Here are some tiny steps that might help:
• If therapy feels impossible: Ask around for one name to research.
• If leaving the house feels impossible: Open a window. Step outside for two minutes.
• If eating feels impossible: Make one simple meal. One.
• If selling your house feels impossible: Find one small task you could start (like gathering paperwork).
Tiny steps matter
You don’t have to fix everything today.
You just have to start small.
P.S. If you’d like more gentle support like this, you’re always welcome inside my Remember Membership.
If you found this helpful, I’d love for you to join my email list where I share more thoughts and tools for healing.
When There Is No Backup: What Widowhood Taught Me About Uncertainty
Widowhood has a way of leaving us carrying responsibilities that feel impossibly heavy. This is a story about one of mine, and the lesson it taught me about uncertainty, overwhelm, and why finding calm is often more useful than finding answers.
When Will I Be About Over My Grief?
When Will I Be About Over My Grief? The Question No One Tells You the Truth
Even Though: Finding Yourself After Loss | Orla Blackburn
What if you took everything that has gone wrong, everything that has been taken from you, everything you’ve been told about yourself that wasn’t kind or true — and put “even though” in front of it? This is what happened when I did.
What My Nervous System Taught Me About Grief, Parenting, and Showing Up Anyway
Grief didn’t just break my heart—it shattered my nervous system. From school run meltdowns to teaching yoga with tear-stained cheeks, this is what living through dysregulation taught me about real healing.
Learning to Celebrate My Birthday as a Widow
I thought Christmas would be the hardest. It wasn’t. It was New Year’s Eve—the moment I realised my husband would never walk into this new year with us. Here’s what that night felt like, and what I’d say to anyone facing their first NYE without their person.
The Grief No One Warns You About on New Year’s Eve
I thought Christmas would be the hardest. It wasn’t. It was New Year’s Eve—the moment I realised my husband would never walk into this new year with us. Here’s what that night felt like, and what I’d say to anyone facing their first NYE without their person.
The Eulogy I Never Gave: Grief, Guilt, and Doing What You Can
What happens when your old job no longer fits the person you’ve become after loss? This blog explores why career detachment is so common in grief, how your nervous system plays a bigger role than you think, and what steps you can take (even without a plan).
When the Job Doesn’t Fit Anymore: Widowhood, Work, and What Comes Next
What happens when your old job no longer fits the person you’ve become after loss? This blog explores why career detachment is so common in grief, how your nervous system plays a bigger role than you think, and what steps you can take (even without a plan).
Nobody Wants to Join This Club — But Damn, the Members Are Good
When grief makes you feel like an alien in your own life, finding people who speak your language is everything. In this blog, I share a powerful reunion with a fellow widow—and the comfort that comes from finally being understood.
The Power of Being Seen (Even Just for a Moment)
Grief isn’t just about loss—it’s about invisibility. This post explores how vital it is to be truly seen and held, even for a moment, in your pain.