Grief AND Growth

When my husband died, my son and I didn’t get any of those home cooked meals or offers of help that you commonly hear about.

Being a solo parent (through being widowed) means time is always running away from me.

There is never someone else to pick up the slack, to let you have a day to yourself, to pop to the shop if you need an essential item (or a bar of chocolate – which is also essential 😄), you never get a night off from doing the bedtime routine, the dishes, the laundry, the school run….. you get the picture.

Yes – single parents do this too, and divorced parents – but most do still get respite and time off as there is still another parent to share the load – albeit from another house. But this is a very big difference. There is usually not such intense grief and trauma attached – there is the grief of loss and of a change of life, it is far from easy, but the other parent is still alive.

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Being a solo parent is one of the hardest parts of my widowhood journey. It leaves little time to tend to my grief and selfcare. I was so hell-bent on making sure everything was ok, that my son was ok, that we had financial security, that I’d written a new will, that I worked knew who would have my son should I die before he’s 18 – I was in panic mode and needed to know that everything would be ok – but none of us know that, do we – however that was my mission and in that mission I kept moving, never stopping, all the plates needed to keep spinning. I was doing a terrible job of it too.

This is why yoga has become my way of life now. It was the one place where I felt held, I could see my strength, my potential and direction. For the first time in my life, at the tender age of 50, I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. I also managed the splits for the first time ever in my life! I wasn’t simply waiting to see what would happen next, what opportunity might drop into my lap, I was actively shaping and making decisions on our way forward. I’d never really done that before. Why? I just felt very aimless in life, so unsure of any of my decisions, I didn’t believe in myself I suppose.

Of course, I chose a path that meant I was starting all over again, but I did have skills I could take with me. Head of Creative to Holistic Widow Guide – where do they overlap?? Not many places at all! 

 

 

I can’t wait to see how this impacts not just me, but the members of Moving Grief too. Come and join us – see where it takes you.

 

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